So far, by God's grace

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Jealousy vs Peace

I read a pregnancy announcement on a blog today and felt a pang of jealousy.

It's not a new feeling. It pokes its ugly head around for me whenever I see or hear of someone being pregnant or having their  2nd or third child. It stays for a little while making my smile uncomfortable smiles as I worry over whether my expression is giving away what I truly feel inside. Its worse when I walk into a medical store (pharmacy) and see tablets labelled "Unwanted 72". That puts me into a tearing rage!

The pang of jealousy soon turns into self pity.  "Why am I putting my little girl through life as a single child... something I myself hated so much?" And then if I let that feeling linger, it festers into something grotesque. I begin turning into a cynical creature I can barely recognize in the mirror.

But,

If I pause to let myself think about the creator of life , and set my eyes on the author and perfecter of my faith, the jealousy fades. I realize that there is more to it than meets my feeble eye!

Peace washes over me when I allow it to.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Amazing Grace, Crazy Love

My prayer today. The fruit of some quality quiet time today!

Gather me
I've scattered myself
Across the hills and plains
Of my life.
Gather me
Wash me
Glue me back together
With your sticky, sweet love.
Then hold me close
For I'm prone to wander.
Broken jars never looked prettier
Than when they've been mended
By YOU!
Make me B-E-A-UTIFUL
in YOUR sight!
Amazing Grace! Crazy Love!

- Deepa Tharien Jacob ( July 2014)